It’s been a minute since I’ve written a post about dating. Last blog post was almost four years ago about my experience on dating apps. Honestly, I’ve been navigating and growing in partnership and it has been such a journey. If you’ve missed it, I’m actually getting married to that guy I met on a dating app and while I still don’t have all the answers, I finally feel comfortable, confident, and experienced enough to share a bit of what’s helped me get to this next chapter. 

First lets start with one of the biggest shifts in a relationship: the cohabitation chapter — exciting, cozy… and kind of terrifying.

A  follower messaged me recently and asked:

“In regards to the uncertainty you had while dating your fiancé, are you willing to consider sharing about that a little? I’ve been with my boyfriend almost 3 years and now that we’re about to move in together, I’m starting to feel uncertainty.”

My Personal Experience:

First off, I want to say—I’m not going to be able to bring clarity to your specific uncertainty, but I can definitely normalize it. I admire people who are so confident in their big life decisions, but I also want to affirm that it’s okay to feel uncertain and still move forward. Discomfort doesn’t always mean something is wrong. Sometimes it just means you’re stepping outside of your comfort zone. And that’s where a lot of growth and happiness can live.

I won’t sugarcoat it—I definitely felt anxiety and fear around moving in with my partner. It’s a big shift, and there are so many horror stories floating around about how living together can go wrong. Sometimes, the anxiety isn’t even yours—it’s inherited from your family’s fears or society’s expectations.

And I totally get the fear of failure or the idea that if the relationship doesn’t work after moving in, it somehow means you messed up. But honestly? I don’t believe in failure like that. I believe if something doesn’t work out, it simply wasn’t meant to be—and that’s okay.

I’ve heard so many people talk about how they just knew their partner was “the one” from the moment they met. That’s always been so wild to me. My experience hasn’t been like that at all. I used to doubt so many of my decisions—constantly overanalyzing and second-guessing myself. But something that really helped me break out of that cycle was simply making decisions and embracing them no matter how big or small. Just choosing helped me build confidence and start trusting myself more. I also spent time talking to my family and therapist, so that helped too. 

 I didn’t have a lot of long term dating experiences, but I did learn how to recognize when something felt off with others I dated. When something didn’t feel right—in my body (can also be referred to as your gut)—it usually meant it wasn’t in alignment. If it felt forced, suffocating, or icky, that was my sign. And no matter how much I talked it through with others, if I still felt anxious, it usually meant deep down I knew the truth. It just took me a while to accept it that truth and walk away from things that didn’t feel right.

Now, things aren’t perfect—because no relationship is—but I’ve learned to pay attention to how I feel. I hate to admit this, but my relationship with my fiancé didn’t come with that instant I just knew clarity. With everything we’ve gone through and faced, I definitely felt out of my comfort zone (his parents death, job changes, moving out of my parents home, moving in together, buying a house) , but there was also a sense of peace, curiosity, and patience underneath it all. Through these experiences I’ve learned that’s my green light. That’s my cue to keep leaning in.

It’s taken time to get here—to really trust myself and my decisions. But that self-trust has been the most freeing and empowering part of this journey.

Questions to help you navigate your uncertainty:

If you’re sitting in uncertainty right now, especially around something like moving in with a partner, here are a few questions that helped me get clarity—not necessarily the answer, but a deeper understanding of myself:

1. Is this anxiety rooted in fear, or is it coming from something that feels out of alignment?
   Try to notice where the feeling sits in your body. Fear can come with expansion (because you’re growing), but misalignment often feels like heaviness, resistance, or a tight chest.    
2. When I imagine saying ‘yes’ to this step, how do I feel? When I imagine saying ‘no,’ how do I feel?
   Play out both scenarios. What brings more peace, even if it’s scary?
3. Am I avoiding pain, or am I genuinely listening to my inner wisdom?
   Sometimes we confuse the fear of discomfort with our intuition. Get honest about whether you’re protecting yourself from imagined pain or sensing that something isn’t right.
4. Have I felt this kind of uncertainty in other moments that ended up being really good for me?
   Growth rarely comes without discomfort. Reflect on a time you were unsure but moved forward anyway and how that turned out.
5. What kind of relationship do I want to have, and does this dynamic support that vision—even if it’s not perfect?
   Focus on your values. Do you feel respected, seen, and emotionally safe in the relationship, even when it’s hard?

Lets end on this:

Whatever stage of relationship you’re in—whether it’s dating, deciding to move in, or walking toward something more committed—uncertainty can be play a HUGE part of the process. It doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It might just mean you’re doing something real. Something that matters.

I’ve learned that love isn’t always one big “aha” moment—it’s often built in the quiet trust you develop with yourself, piece by piece. You don’t have to be 100% sure to take the next step. You just have to be honest with yourself, your partner, continue to stay curious, and keep listening to what feels true in your body and heart.

Wherever you’re at, I hope you give yourself grace. You’re allowed to take your time, but also enjoy the flow and discomfort (when it doesn’t feel icky), because that’s where LIFE really happens. 💛