I got inspired to write this blog post after a fun bachlorette getaway last weekend! Thankfully, my friend isn’t a party girl, so (her surprise, yes she didn’t know) bachelorette was more relaxing than a crazy rager. I was more tired from JetBlue and SFO airport delays, than celebrating! I’m also writing this post as I deal with a weird sinus cold – any cold remedies please DM ME! But, besides that it was exciting to celebrate one of my oldest friends. I love seeing her in love and I love seeing someone that loves and cares for her so much in return. That’s all I wish and dream for my best friends. A man that will respect, love, and care for them. But, lets be honest, that’s all I want for myself too.
I have a couple of friends in relationships with dudes like that. They work hard, they’re kind, funny, and whole heartedly love my friends for who they are. Talk about #winning and #goals! My friends are totally unique babes, so it gives me hope. It’s really a beautiful thing to see. I’m genuinely soooo happy for them, but, I’ll be honest I get jealous from time to time. I want to meet someone that loves me just as much as I love them, but I know being jealous won’t get me closer to that special person who’s meant for me. Timing actually plays a big role in all of this. And, I rather wait for something real and honest, than force a relationship, because it means I’m in a relationship. I’ve talked about the importance of not forcing things in a couple other blog posts (Be Strong + Move on breakup post and Don’t Be Reckless).
95% of the time I’m genuinely excited for my friends and their relationships, but sometimes (for God Knows what reason, maybe PMS?!?) I get insecure and sad that something is wrong with me and I start obsessing about the reasons I’m not in a relationship. If you’re single, I’m sure those negative thoughts have passed though your mind, they sure have infiltrated my brain waves from time to time. If not, comment your tips!! I’ve learned through the years that jealousy and comparison are super normal, but there is more to why certain situations or relationships don’t work out, so it’s important to stop being jealous and stop comparing.
I could come up with so many reasons why I haven’t found my special person, but I truly don’t know why. And, I’m not super sad about it (about 5% of the time to be exact), because 95% of the time I’m happy for my friends. Being able to focus 150% of my time on IMLVH has gradually helped me learn how to comparing myself to others experiences. Its has taken most of my 20s through experiences, but I’ve discovered some quotes the last couple years that have really helped me stop comparing my life to my friends paths and timelines.
I’ve grown up to believe anything is possible, as long as I work hard, but when it comes to relationships, those rules don’t apply. The only effort that a relationship should take is rearranging our schedules to get together. Nothing should feel forced. You’ll definitely feel uncomfortable from time to time, because you’re stepping out of your comfort zone to get to know someone you’re interested in. But, those are good nerves.
If you’ve struggled comparing yourself to your friends timeline or path too, I’ve shared some of my favorite quotes/affirmations that have helped me stop doubting who I am. They’ve helped me stop making up reasons why someone wouldn’t like me. These quotes will also be helpful if you’re chasing your goals and dreams too. Ultimately, these quotes have helped me embrace who I am, to stop fighting against the timeline the universe has for me and to flow with my path:
“Her Success is not your Failure”
It’s the truth. Whether it’s a friend getting married, having babies or landing their dream job, all of those experiences that I have yet to experience, dosen’t mean failure. We are unique beings and we’re brought into this world for unique reasons. I’ve definitely felt like a failure when some of my friends have experienced such things, but when I reflect on my accomplishments, I’m no failure. I’ve earned both my Bachelor’s and Master’s Degrees. I get to pursue and chase after my dream job. I’ve traveled to some amazing places and I’m genuinely happy. Although, I’m not engaged to get married or making enough money to live on my own, I’ve accepted that it doesn’t mean I’m a failure. We’ve grown up in a society that judges success and failure based on certain experiences or accomplishments. But, who’s right and who’s wrong? No one. I’m here to remind you to define who you are and chase after your goals and dreams. Do what makes you happy. You can be and do anything you truly want with some confidence and motivation. If that doesn’t mean college, but you chasing another goal, then do it – you’re not a failure. Just do something!
“If you have to force it, leave it. Relationships, friendships, yoga poses, and ponytails. Let that shit go.”
You should force none of that. Any time I force something I get anxious and super unhappy with all that I have. I get tunnel vision and chase something that (when I think about it) isn’t making me happy. But, I’m doing it because others are doing it. When I let go and stop forcing whatever I think I want there is a sense of relief and happiness. I look at what I do have and feel a sense of gratitude. And, it’s hard to realize you might be forcing something you truly don’t want, but you have to find it within yourself.
On the contrary there are two things I think should take a bit of effort or “force”: fitting in a good workout and chasing after your dreams. Lets be honest, those take effort and hard work. Both take commitment. The only time one loves a workout is after it’s done thanks to those endorphins that kick in. And, accomplishing your dreams and goals will take effort, because it takes time, trial and error. But, those are the only two things I think can use some force. Especially, on the days when you’re not motivated. I’ve made making out and chasing my goals a must in my everyday life and I’ve found myself 90% happier. So, you should never force dating someone, that you’re not 100% into, because you’re lonely. You should never force a relationship, because you’re eager for a wedding. And, you should never force being friends with someone that isn’t kind to you and doesn’t embrace who you are. BIG WASTE OF TIME. Yes, this applies to Yoga too, because you can’t jump into a pose you haven’t prepared for. OUCH! So, lets stop forcing things and let go of where you think you should be in life or how your hair should look. Lets stop comparing ourself to our friends and their relationships. Be inspired. Go at your own pace. Stop forcing shit.
“Lose yourself in the things you love for that is where you will find yourself too.”
When you stop comparing yourself and start embracing and doing the things you love happiness ensues. I promise. I’m no where near where I want to be, but the more I consumed myself with the things I love: working out, creating Youtube videos, connecting with other creatives, experimenting with fashion/beauty and writing blog posts that motivate ya’ll. I’ve learned more and more about myself. I’ve learned working out makes me happy and lessens anxiety. Creating videos has introduced to me to the world of beauty, acne, and my favorite brand Glossier. The more I embraced fashion the more I’ve learned about my style and my obsession with denim. Especially, how it encourages ya’ll to try new things too. My blog posts have taught me that I love encouraging others to be positive and embrace themselves.Possibly, leading me into the world motivational speaking. If I didn’t loose myself in these things I would have never known anything about myself. Loosing myself in the things I love has been helpful in helping me figure out who I am and what I want in life. Also, that our life is our gift too and we can’t waste it pleasing others.
These quotes have helped me understand I have my own timeline. They’ve helped me discover who I am, what I want, and to let go of what isn’t for me. It’s not easy, but if you remind yourself everyday that you’re not a failure, because you’re not doing what your friends are doing, and stop forcing shit that doesn’t feel right, you’ll start loosing yourself in the things you love. You’ll start realizing you’re on your own path and finding your own interests and goals. I mean how many times did you hear as a kid, “So, if your friends jump off a bridge, you going to do it too?” That saying is still applicable to our life today. Even in our 20s. You have your own timeline that will not match up to anyone else and that’s okay. You’re not a failure. Embrace your life and do you boo.