It’s official… I have a boyfriend!! It’s super new, but ya’ll know I take you through every journey I’m on and this new relationship inspired more dating blog posts! I’ve already shared bad dating experiences or what I’ve learned from past relationships, also 3 tips when navigating dating apps, but I thought it would be helpful to share 3 tips before you hop on any dating app. These tips put me in the proper headspace, while navigating Hinge this time around and I think it will help you too. Not sure if it helped me land a boyfriend, but it did make being on dating apps less complicated. And, why is dating so complicated? I feel like I don’t know why, but then some days I feel like I do.
It’s human nature for two people to like each other, connect, and then get into a relationship, possibly get married if that’s what you want. Through my own observation, I’ve realized (almost) everyone wants to find a special person, like I said, it’s human nature, yet, dating these days is weird, uncomfortable, and complicated. In my opinion we are all scaredy cats. We’re afraid to be honest about what we want and don’t want, we’re afraid to commit, we’re afraid of getting hurt, we’re afraid of a relationship ending, even if it’s not serving us anymore. We’re afraid of experiencing pain or emotions, yet that’s what relationships are about. We’re afraid to experience anything bad, but relationships are going to be both good and bad.
This past year I learned life is both good and bad. Trust me, my Dad’s cancer journey showed me how hard and painful life can be. So, if life works like that, then dating and relationships will too. But, always remember, taking a risk and accepting you might get hurt can bring a really great relationship into your life. And, if something doesn’t work out, you have to trust it wasn’t meant to be. With that being said, if you’re ready to accept you’re scared and nervous but still willing to face your fears about dating, I want to share 3 tips before you hop on a dating app.
I’ve already shared how much I like dating apps. I’m a busy girl, I don’t go out too often, no one has ever walked up to me to ask me out, and none of my close friends had single friends they could set me up with. The best option for me was a dating app. I hate that dating apps have such a bad reputation. People say they’re full of people that only want sex and tend to be full of liars trying to cat fish you. Yes, that stuff is out there, but let me and my boyfriend be proof that not EVERYONE on there is like that. Dating apps are a place to connect with others that want to date or find a relationship just like you and me. My favorite was Hinge. I found most guys to be more intentional – that’s where I met my boyfriend.
So, before you hop on a dating app, here are 3 tips that helped me navigate Hinge this time around – I hope they help you too.
Tip #1: What are you looking for?!?
Are you looking for casual dates, a boyfriend? A husband? Just sex? You have to be super clear!! You have to decide what you’re looking for and stick to it. You need to be prepared, up front and honest. There was a guy I matched with on Hinge and after chatting a bit he quickly shared that he was just looking for sex. Although disturbing to read, I actually appreciated his honesty, because he didn’t want to waste my time or his. I was able to quickly move on to the next match, which gave me confidence to ask the intentions of whoever I matched with after that. Once you strike a good conversation you need to ask what their intentions are. This is your life and it’s time to get honest and be confident with what you want. Before you hop on, really think about what you want and don’t want. Don’t worry or be sad if what you want doesn’t match a hot guy you matched with. Trust me!! Your values and intentions are way more important. Don’t want to waste your time. Know what you’re looking for and remember that with every match.
Tip #2: Lobe Yourself & Stay True to Yourself
You have to lobe yourself. You have to be confident with yourself. You have to know who you are and what your values are. The only way all of that can happens is if you’re true to yourself. Relationships don’t flourish on dishonesty or fake-ness. A good relationship forces you to be vulnerable and honest, but also matches your core values. I’ve been on dating apps since 2013 and up until this past year I wasn’t 100% confident with myself, my career, or the fact that I still lived at home with my parents. I was so critical everything that made me me. I hate that we think we need to lie or edit our true self, because that’s the reason we’re single. I used to think all the things that made me who I am was the reason I was single. I really didn’t lobe myself. I remember lying to matches that I lived in LA, because most I matched with only wanted to date in their zip code. I was desperate to meet someone and thought lying would help. In my early 20s it frustrated me that I was single and I would try hard to liked: I would change my style to what I thought the guy preferred, I drank more than I liked, and forced myself way out of my comfort zone because I thought that would help me get into a relationship. But, 8 years of being single forced me to learn how to lobe myself, embrace my style, and learn about my values. Learning how to lobe yourself is definitely another blog post, but it’s key to navigating dating apps. You need to find someone to lobe all the things that make you you and hopefully lobe the you that you lobe. That person is out there, trust me. 😉
Tip #3:Have Faith & Be Patient
After you start lobing yourself you need to have faith and be patient. To have faith means to not be negative and to believe someone is out there for you to lobe and that lobes the you that you lobe. And, if you carry pain and hurt from a previous relationship you can’t believe and assume everyone will hurt you again. Like I said in the beginning, pain is a part of life, but thinking that everyone is going to hurt doesn’t allow for good relationships to enter your life. I think it’s important to share you’ve been hurt, but if you believe every person you date is going to hurt you, you’ll miss out on people that are worthy of you and that won’t heart it. And, all of that takes patience. It’s definitely going to take me more than 3 matches or dates to find someone worthy. Trust me, I’ve been on and off dating apps since 2013, that’s definitely been more than 3 dates and 5 swipes. It’s been hundreds of matches and a lot of conversations. And, if you’re newly single I think you need to give yourself time to heal. Don’t use dating apps to rebound or get over someone. You need to get over someone on your own time, because you’re only going to hurt someone else. Be patient and give yourself time to heal.
These 3 tips really helped me navigate hinge this time around. I have another blog post in the works, which will share a couple of tips when you lad the date, so stay tuned for that. I hope this blog post brings some helpful insights, so you can join dating apps in a healthy way.